The End of My Rope

It's been a long day here - a long couple of days.  I'm at the end of my rope.  Unfortunately, I took it out on the girls this afternoon. 

As we were driving home from our errands - which were incomplete due to my haste which added to my frustration, L announces, "I'm at the end of my rope.  I'm just so tired and I'm done."  I replied, "I know honey, I am too!"  Then L turns to G and says, "G are you at the end of your rope?"  In her sweet 2 year old voice, G says, "Nope!!". 

In a very sarcastic tone I pipe in with, "Oh I'm so glad, it's always good for at least one person in a group to not be at the end of their rope."  L then says in the most sincere way, "Mom, I really think it would be best if the mommy is the one who isn't at the end of her rope."

I laughed until I cried.  And somehow that provided the therapy I needed to climb up the rope just a little bit. 

He Will Turn Your Mourning Into Dancing

Recently in church we sang three songs that brought tears of Joy to my eyes.  I couldn't help but reflect on the fact that for nearly the last two years every time we sang any of those three songs I would often have to stop singing due to tears of sorrow.

The last two years have been difficult for our family.  Some of the trials have been well documented and lived very publicly.  Anyone can guess that L's illness & diagnosis, our family's 3 months of separation in early 2011, our family's three moves in 8 months were times of trial.

However, the events leading up to our first move and the departure from Michael's first ministry position were equally emotionally traumatic to us.  However, we lived that particular trial in a much more private way.  Our silence on the trial remains and we believe the Lord has blessed our commitment to trust him for justice and reconciliation.  There were other private trials as well including a miscarriage, of which we have rarely shared about with others.

The realization that we are "on this side" of the trials was overwhelming to me.  How exciting to look back over the last two years and see God's repeated faithfulness to our family.  He has met our physical, emotional, & spiritual needs in ways that we would have never imagined possible.  It's humbling to be a recipient of such incredible provision at every turn of our life. 

I can now celebrate that L is healthy again, our gluten free diet seems manageable, we are in a healthy church family, Michael loves his ministry position & is pursuing his life long dream of doctoral studies, and we are settled into our home - one which we hope to be in for a long time.

Today, I can truly sing each of these song with joy. They express exactly what is in my heart as I celebrate God's leading in my life.  They expressed exactly what was on my heart during some of the above mentioned trials and they continue to express my emotion as closure has come to the trials.

Blessed Be the Name of the Lord

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

It Is Well With My Soul

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul. Refrain: It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live: If Jordan above me shall roll, No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait, The sky, not the grave, is our goal; Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord! Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul! And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul.

Still

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Christmas Lists

Editor's Note:  I'm running a little behind in blog posts - this has been written for weeks, I just haven't taken the time to add the photo.

Since June L has wanted a doll house for Christmas.  Almost weekly she would recount for me the things on her list - and they never changed.  As her good fortune would have it, a couple of the things on her list were given to her for her birthday in October.  She did have to spend a couple of weeks deciding what she would add to her list to replace the received gifts.  However, the doll house remained consistently at the top of her list.  Michael & I decided that we would invest in a doll house and I started researching our options.  Through God's amazing and ongoing provision, we were gifted a second hand Fischer-Price three story doll house with all the accessories.  We were thrilled with the gift and joyfully hid it in the crawl space, eagerly awaiting Christmas morning.

The week before Christmas L announced that she had taken the doll house off her Christmas list.  "Why", we inquired.  Her response, "I think a doll house is too big for Santa to get on his sleigh and into our house.  So I'm just going to ask him for slippers, a snowglobe, and a pretty dress."  She had a daddy-daughter date with Michael scheduled and had requested a trip to the mall to visit the jolly old man.  We suggested that she could ask him about the size of the doll house and the logistics.  However, she politely declined and stuck to her new list. 

Thankfully, on Christmas morning she came downstairs and was beyond delighted to see a doll house by her stocking.

Theology 101

In the recent days L & I have had the following deep theological conversations:

1. L:  Mommy are you one of Father Abraham's sons?
Me:  Yes, I am and so are you.
L:  But mommy I'm a daughter.  Why do we sing "Father Abraham had many sons.  I am one of them and so are you. . ."?  I'm not a son.

2. L:  Mommy, did God make the whole world.  Even before there was a world, did he make it?
Me:  Yes honey God made everything and he has always existed - even before the world began.
L:  Mommy I can believe a lot of things, but this is just one thing I cannot believe.

3. L:  Mommy why do you think God made giants? 
Me:  God makes everyone different.
L:  It's amazing that David could kill a giant.