Full Disclosure

I've been thinking alot recently about the things we tell and don't tell our children.  Some things we don't tell them because we want to surprise them (for instance we're going to the Museum of Science & Industry on Monday and it's going to be a TOTAL surprise!)  Other things we don't tell them because we are trying to protect them.  We don't tell them many things about what is going on in the world at large.  They're not ready to understand war, killings, & immorality.  Sure they know people do bad things - but that's enough for now.

But there are other things we don't tell them - things about us; about our family.  We kept a recent loss in our family completely unknown to our two girls.  It's made me think alot:  What did my parents keep from me?  The loss in our life is something the girls will probably eventually want to know - when do we share it with them?  How do we go about it?

Our loss was a second miscarriage.  We'd seen a heartbeat a few weeks earlier and we were literally days away from telling the girls the good news.  The miscarriage resulted in an outpatient procedure.  Our first was at school and our second thought she was simply getting an all day play date with one of her best friends. 

I would think, that being female, my girls would one day like to know about this.  But when do we tell them?  Apparently my own mother had a miscarriage.  I know little about it, but the news was delivered to me at my brother's wedding.  I might have chosen a different time and place to learn about this, but there really wasn't ever a "good" time to just bring it up. 

What else didn't my parents tell me?  From what did they protect me?  Other losses?  Financial hardships?  Who knows, but I know they always had my best interest in mind.

Just like we do.  Should we have shared about the loss with them?  I was so wrapped up in my own grief that I couldn't bear the thought of helping them grieve.  Was the selfish or wise?  I wasn't ready to answer the questions that would come about life & death and about reproduction. 

We make countless decision each week - many of which we do not seek their input, yet most of which affect them directly or indirectly.  In the name of "protecting" them, are we taking away from them the opportunity to process the world in which they live?  As they grow, I'm sure we'll share more with them.  But when do we start and how do we go about it?

I don't expect to get all the answers or to even always get it right . . . . these are just the things that I've been pondering of late.